The Cure for Sclerosis of the Body Politic

I have a bee in my bonnet. And it’s been buzzing about in there for a while, but became really agitated when I read Barry Ritholtz’ Washington Post editorial from July 3/2011.

I love Barry. Really, I do. And I enjoyed the post except for one part, where I think he’s fallen from his usual cynical incisiveness to a Jon Stewart-level naivete:

“Money in politics: Over the past 40 years, you have allowed the inflow of special-interest dollars to overwhelm and corrupt the political process. Congress is now a wholly owned subsidiary of Wall Street.

…

The solution might be a constitutional amendment to provide for public funding of federal elections and to restrict, or at least require full transparency about, the special-interest lobbying that has perverted the legislative process.”

The Daily Show‘s Jon Stewart has begged for a similar change over the years in his interviews (sorry, can’t recall a specific clip so I thought I’d just link to Jon’s awesome and somewhat relevant Charlie Rangel impersonation… Maybe with Elizabeth Warren? Regular TDS viewers, I think, will attest to Jon’s support for the idea). And it’s absolutely, totally, 100% incorrect and a vain energy-sucking hope.

So why do I, unaccomplished internet denizen, believe I know better than the very smart and funny The Big Picture blogger and the not quite as smart or funny but even more successful TV personality? Because the flaw in campaign financing reform is holy-fucking-shit simple:

What is required for a constitutional amendment (as per Wikipedia):

“Amending the Constitution is a two-part process: amendments must be proposed then ratified. Amendments can be proposed one of two ways. To date, all amendments, whether ratified or not, have been proposed by a two-thirds vote in each house of Congress. Over 10,000 constitutional amendments have been introduced in Congress since 1789; during the last several decades, between 100 and 200 have been offered in a typical congressional year. Most of these ideas never leave Congressional committee, and far fewer get proposed by the Congress for ratification.

Alternatively, if two-thirds of the state legislatures demand one, Congress must call for a constitutional convention, which would have the power to propose amendments. As no such convention has been called, it is unclear how one would work in practice.

Regardless of how the amendment is proposed, it must also be ratified by three-fourths of states. Congress determines whether the state legislatures or special state conventions ratify the amendment. The 21st Amendment is the only one that employed state conventions for ratification.”

For the people too lazy to read three paragraphs, Wiki says: amending the constitution requires a a vast majority of politicians, and especially politicians in super-powerful congressional committees, to be in favour of it.

And for people too lazy to think about that for a second: How naive would I need to be to believe that those who benefit THE MOST from the US’s current money-flooded political system, especially those super-tie-and-suit-motherfuckers heading various congressional committees, who rake in corporate money in exchange for giving meaningful legislation a quiet backrooms death, would vote, IN FORCE, in favour of unilateral disarmament?

We’d sooner see Obama sit down with Al Qaeda to negotiate a ban on unmanned drones.

There’s a reason why Congress doesn’t vote to lower it’s salary or to change it’s own health care plan to a voucher system. They, like most assholes, are self-serving fucks.

If Jon and Barry are asking us to put our hopes in Constitutional reform, then all they’re doing – for naive or malicious reasons – is co-opting the rising and very genuine public frustration with the US campaign-contribution-engorged political system to a fruitless, vain, impossible, and absolutely stupid cause.

That isn’t to say there’s nothing that can be done, however. Just not that. Clearly, a political system that allows people like all-around assholes Barack Obama, John Boehner, Eric Cantor, and Mitch McConnell wax righteous over varying sides of the debt debate, depending on the party in power, with a straight-face and without suffering public or media condemnation is… fucking broken.

But the onanistic ‘debate’ over the debt ceiling provides the PERFECT solution to our political system’s infection, inflammation, and paralysis.

Why are Republicans (since Obama became president) pretending to be arguing we can’t raise the debt ceiling? To enforce fiscal restraint on Big Government.

And why do we, purportedly, need to restrain Big Government? Partly because if we don’t, government will endlessly print money to buy Cadillacs for minorities who don’t feel like working and the US currency will be inflated away to half the value of toilet paper and we’ll turn into Zimbabwe.

And THAT is exactly how we’ll solve the infestation of campaign contribution hegemony in US politics.

How’s that for serendipity?

We can’t leave things the way they are, because the value of contributions is so high as to often make money the deciding factor in elections.

Constitutional amendments won’t work because it requires convincing those assholes in Congress, who currently benefit the most from their control on legislation and the government’s coffers, to collectively renounce the use of their access to the arms – in which they are best-stocked – used to win re-election.

So let’s do what those debt-conscious, penny-pinching Republicans so fear: De-value the currency! But not the US Dollar, but those very special political Scooby Snax called campaign contributions! If campaign contributions no longer buy votes, then legislators will no longer need to prostrate themselves for every flash lobbyist with a douchebag’s Porsche and trousers bulging with contributions (not to say lacking need, many legislators won’t find themselves hands-holding-ankles just the same).

And how we devalue campaign contributions needs to be simple… because Lord knows, if we’re not attentive enough to pick up on the rank hypocrisy cited above, we’re not going to be attentive enough to follow anything complex.

So I propose a pledge… An internet pledge. Something simple and usually meaningless, but can get enough numbers in apparent support as to be seen as a threat. How about a REALLY simple pledge? Everyone who wants to clean the legislature of money’s coercion, make a pledge that you will never, ever, ever (even if it means voting against your own mother), vote for the top fundraiser. (P.S. Democrats, that means not voting for Obama in 2012. Do you really want to clean up this mess?? PROVE IT!)

Let’s make it a race for second place!

Someone tell me why this wouldn’t work? At least better than the hope-and-prayer Barry and Jon propose.

… and the cow goes moo