Last night’s Rockets vs. Lakers contest was a disappointment compared to Game 1 on a couple of levels: Sadly, the Rockets hardly put up much of a fight, allowing the Lakers to lead almost the whole way without every appearing like a plausible threat (largely due to Yao’s absence and ineffectiveness due to foul trouble); and also, the volume of dirt present.
The Derek Fisher bodycheck: Absolute dirt. And Derek’s bullshit excuse makes no sense. He claims he bodychecked Luis Scola (himself a dirty player, but not in a way that causes injury) while Scola was setting a screen because Scola was farther than him than he expected. Which is ridiculous, since replays show Derek clearly looking over his shoulder and seeing Scola come up for the screen right before the hit.
He claims his arm came up higher than usual during the hit because of that added distance as well, which is also ridiculous. When you’re running over a screen (the implication being that Derek was intentionally running over the screen to pick up a foul, as the Lakers had a foul to give, but not intending to absolutely bowl over Scola), you lead with your shoulder to cause the damage. Your lead arm has nothing to do with it, and you certainly shouldn’t be throwing your arm out lik ea hockey player delivering a bodycheck. Regardless of the distance of the screener.
And why the fuck would the greater distance make the impact any harder? If you’re intentionally running over a screen and expecting near contact, you take one big bounce (on your first step) to cause the damage and create the impact. If the screener isn’t there, most of your momentum is wasted and you should have a softer hit, if anything. You put all your weight into the first step because if you kept running the screen past the first step, you’d trp over the guy’s corpse. As a dirty basketball player, I should know. That Derek had so much force in his hit even on his second step, and considering the route he took to hit Scola which really wasn’t the route he would take if he thought Scola was closer (and didn’t even run parallel to the movement of Aaron Brooks, who I believe he was guarding at the time), it seems certain to me that Derke Fisher knew exactly where Scola was and the outcome (except for the Flagrant 2 foul and subsequent ejection) was exactly what Derek intended.
So Derek Fisher, a player I generally like (even if he’s a corpse on defense now), is officially a dirty player.
But the biggest loser in the game isn’t even Luis Scola, the victim of Fisher’s dirty hit: It’s legendary crowd-charging lunatic, Ron Artest. Mamba’s hit on him wasn’t as dirty as Fisher’s hit on Scola (Mamba was trying to box out the much heavier and stronger Ron Artest, trying to keep his center of gravity low to seal Artest from the offensive reboudn, but Artest just leaned on Mamba’s shoulder and neck and forced Mamba underneath the rim. Mamba took offense and swung his elbow very deliberately — but quickly and furtively — into Artest’s chest and neck area as the rebound came to make space or just do damange). Ron did exactly what a non-legendary crowd-charging lunatic basketball player would do: He protested to the referee immediately to no avail.
A less sane player (say, the Ron Artest of his Indiana Pacer days, or probably 40% of the league) would have reacted with a physical reprisal but Ron Artest in this one instance did exactly what the marketable ‘NBA Cares’-type player would have done: He went straight to the referees. And got absolutely no attention for it. So he got into Mamba’s face on the subsequent defensive possession for Houston and the referees (Joey Crawford, if memory serves) immediately had to separate Artest from Mamba (who wanted no part in it) and ejected Artest the six potentially vital minutes of the 4th quarter remaining.
So the refs missed the original call (and surely Stu Jackson, upon further review, will miss it as well rather than suspend Kobe Bryant or punish him in any way that could have an effect on the series… since any move against Mamba could decide the outcome of the next game and perhaps the series). No surprise that the officials missed the call. It was a tough call to see, since Artest didn’t opt to flop on the contact and is too big and strong to really even show contact when it occurs.
The great tragedy is that Ron Artest, finally rehabilitated this past half season or so, it seems, is likely to fall to recidivism. Seeing what little good the appropriate course of action, I fear he will return to his old ways of defending himself on the court. Artest, who may have been Houston’s playoff MVP up to this point, carrying the same burden on offense as Yao Ming, and providing an equal performance to Shane Battier on defence, might return to his crazy Tru Warier ways and destabilize the underdog Rockets enough to take them out of contention.
This was shaping up to a great series, but the skillful manipulation use of the officials by the Lakers, and their general dirty play (Vujacic’s bloody hit on Shane Battier in Game 1 was a cheap shot as well… Who follows through like that on a tip? And he should have know that Shane Battier was right there next to him) will probably send this series into the trash. And the Lakers will close out this series in three more games, if Ron Artest returns to crazy.
Fucking Lakers.
… and the cow goes moo
Why the Toronto Raptors won’t make it past the first round
December 31, 2008
(… if they even make it to the playoffs)
I’m a Toronto born and raised basketball fan and it KILLS me to watch this goddamn team. Thank God working late spares me from watching most of their games in its entirety.
The title of this post should not be news to anyone really, except those who over-zealously responded to the T.J. Ford – Jermaine O’Neal swap as the second coming of San Antonio’s David Robinson – Tim Duncan Two Towers tandem (in O’Neal and Chris Bosh). Those people, of course, were idiots and probably wouldn’t admit to believing such a thing now.
What is news to me is the extent of the Raptors failings. And this goes far beyond their disappointing record. Quite frankly, with the pieces they have in place, the contractual terms of our players, and the viable trading pieces the Raptors have available, the Raptors will not sniff the second round for years in the future. And this is in an Eastern Conference where the current 7th and 8th ranked teams win almost half their games.
ESPN’s Bill Simmons’ latest article brings to fore the primary reason why the Raptors are, as constructed, a dead-end team. It’s a short article about Michael D’Antoni, but those who watch the Raptors I believe will find some relevant comments:
“D’Antoni’s Phoenix teams were wildly entertaining, consistently successful—and always heading home before the Finals. D’Antoni didn’t care that just about every NBA champ since the 1988-89 Pistons had won with defense; once teams slowed the Suns’ tempo and systematically broke them down, their lack of commitment to D always surfaced. Always. They had a fatal flaw. It took us four years to realize it.”
I would argue it took many of us only negative four years to realize it as many dismissed the idea of running and gunning to the championship from the start and did not even consider it. I have to admit I did consider it but quickly came to the realization that a Steve Nash-led team, in a league where you cannot realistically assemble a starting five with four all-NBA defenders around him, could not win a championship.
And what are the current Toronto Raptors if not a poor man’s 2006 Phoenix Suns? Except Jose Calderon is nowhere near as creative and forceful as Steve Nash (though comparably atrocious on defense, but achieving such a distinction through a total, but casual, disinterest in that half of the game versus Nash’s physical inability to stay in front of anybody). Chris Bosh is no Amare Stoudamire in his ability to dominate in virtually any matchup, though he is a certainly superior defensive player and perimeter player. But is certainly no Shawn Marion on the defensive end either.
Most clearly, even with the Sun’s notable lack of a bench and the Raptors expensive backups (I’m looking at you, the horribly used Jason Kapono), the Raptors are arguably thinner than the Suns who at least had Barbosa and Diaw providing a two-man offense even when sharing the court with spare parts.
Of course scoring can win ball games, and the Suns teams of recent years have certainly proved that. But what happened when a fleet-footed scoring point guard met them in the playoffs? They would be carved up. Eventually, the Suns had their star forward, Shawn Marion, covering Tony Parker to try to cover up for Steve Nash’s inability to cover anybody. And as Golden State proved against Dallas in the first round of the 2007 playoffs: One atrocious defender is enough to submarine even a 67-win team.
Now what does this have to do with the Raptors? Well, in case it wasn’t clear, our poor man’s Steve Nash (Jose Calderon) is perhaps a greater liability on the defensive end. At least Nash, hampered with lateral mobility problems and the total lack of jumping ability, did care about defense. You could see it bothered him when he was scored on. Calderon exhibits no such shame. He is a fairly explosive player on offense, young, and fairly well sized for a 2008-2009 NBA point guard. But he could not care less if his man is 0/8 or if the man he is caught defending is cavalierly finishing a reverse alley-oop game winner. Steve Nash would care enough to foul a guy if he was being embarassed. Jose Calderon would not even recognize that having the opposing team go at him on every out-of-timeout play, regardless of who he is defending, is something to be ashamed of.
I cannot say this emphatically enough: JOSE CALDERON (who is not a racist) CANNOT START FOR A SECOND ROUND PLAYOFF TEAM.
In a five to seven game series, even teams universally agreed to be weak at the point guard spot (hello, Orlando!) will be able to take advantage of Jose Calderon’s predictable nonchalance on defense and consistently shoot over 50% and average 20 points (if necessary).
I understand that the Toronto Craptors are perhaps a season away from even sliding into the Playoffs of Lowered Expectations and might happily be setting their targets realistically low and collecting high attendance with an upbeat offense (which could have been the plan, but is certainly not the reality). I understand that this could be a very sound business decision from the owners of the perennially hand-over-fist moneymaking, non-contender Toronto Maple Leafs. But I hope Craptor Nation understands that the point guard they rooted for (with some merit) all last year (but apparently not anymore), and has just started his 5 year $40 million contract, is not the starting point guard for even a second round playoff team now or in that fifth year when we should be seeing Chris Bosh’s prime.
Jose Calderon and the Toronto Raptors in general are known across the league as poor defenders, but he has not been revealed for what he is: The willingly worst defender in the league. It is time to sell semi-high and get what we can. No team can afford to spend $8m/yr on a backup PG. I can see no way that we could stack our line around the defensively-mediocre Bosh, and the atrocious Calderon to cover up for the vulnerability at the initiating position of the opposing team’s offense. And we waste the luck we’ve had in drafting a sensational player in Bosh, who seemed to develop in spite of the poor coaching and often poor environment (Vince Carter-tainted, some would say) to a legitimate centerpiece and superstar.
Make up your mind, Toronto. Are we ever going to contend? If you want the Raptors to become a legitimate team in the NBA and award Chris Bosh with the opportunity to compete at the highest level: Quietly demand (if that’s even possible…) a trade of Jose Calderon for a defensively mediocre, or better, point guard. And start building a playoff team. A contender. And not a offense-less Phoenix Suns.
(Full disclosure: I am an unrepentant T.J. Ford lover through and through, but I could definitely understand the trade for O’Neal as well. Though I was appalled by the size of his contract and the likelihood that he would miss 25 games for us this season. Not that TJ would have played 57+ games necessarily, but I felt that the O’Neal transaction was not a step in the right direction for a team whose superstar will need soldiers to go deep into the playoffs with in two to three years, ideally)
… and the cow goes moo
Ding Dong, the Smitch is Dead!
December 4, 2008
Words cannot describe the elation I felt when a friend (who, I assume, received advanced notice through his employment at a sports broadcaster) texted me THIS FANTASTIC NEWS!
For YEARS (since almost the moment he was hired… I tried as best as I could to give him some lenience to learn the occupation early on) I have been shitting on Smitchell’s coaching decisions (substitutions, play calls, time outs, end of game situations, defensive match ups, player growth, and general style of play) and was aghast and disgusted by the league when he managed to, despite having a mediocre underperforming team in a weak conference and having shown no actual evidence coaching ability, win the NBA’s Coach of the Year award at the end of the 2006-2007 season (more deserving recipients such as Jeff Van Gundy and the always considered but never rewarded Jerry Sloan should be slightly more outraged than I). Key quote from that CBC article:
“The award is especially sweet for Mitchell, as he was voted the worst coach in the NBA last year in an unofficial poll of players by Sports Illustrated.”
Well, then. What’s most frustrating about the award, perhaps, is that Mitchell’s contract was ending and there was a decent chance, in my mind, that Brian Colangelo would have the good sense to not renew his contract or replace him after another year. Sadly, even an apparently bright GM such as Colangelo cannot discard a COTY.
As a Toronto native and longtime basketball aficianado/Raptors viewer (though not exactly a Raptors fan), I have endured Sam Mitchell like an untrainable mutt. Every other day, he poops the rug and out of love for dogs, I convince myself that it’s the last time. Within 48 hours, I’m donning my rubber gloves and carpet sanitizer.
But enough about me. Let’s properly eulogize the Toronto Raptor’s dearly departed head coach.
I remember one game in particular that I’m sure others may remember for different reasons (the number ‘81′ conjure up any memories?). A certain Electric Mamba was running roughshod over the overmatched Toronto Raptors as he is one to do. Mamba had accumulated something like 37 pts in the 3rd quarter and had bricked two or three straight shots, looking suddenly very un-Mamba and rather cold. In what I assume must be Smitchell’s doing, Jose Calderon is suddenly tasked with guarding dwindling Mamba. I assume it is Smitch’s doing as this occurs over 3 straight possessions or so, and Jose meets Mamba somewhere near halfcourt (unlikely to be the result of a switch).
Being one of the league’s most notoriously poor defenders, and not that strong of a ball handler, Spanish, and not even the right position or size for the job, Jose promptly allows Mamba to score three buckets (two dunks off steals and a trey, as I recall) and suddenly Mamba is electric again.
A timeout quickly follows, which much commotion and histrionics, and Mamba goes the rest of the 20 game minutes to score another 35 pts or so.
That is the Smitchell that I will always remember. And though we may now have a chance (it’d be better if we replaced Jay Triano with a stronger coach, but there’s no downgrading from Smitch) to make it to the second round of the playoffs (we only have the 4th or 5th most talented roster in the East…), I believe the city of Toronto is better off for having known our dear friend, and beloved coach, Sam “Smitch” Mitchell. He may not be missed, but he will never be forgotten.
We have now had our big baby superstar (Vince Carter) who started faking injury and quit playing defence (can you quit if you never started?) and then whined his way out of the city. And we now have had the coach who did nothing, failed in every facet of game day coaching (I cannot judge his between-game impact), and who rid the crest of a #1 overall pick, a GM overhaul and spending spree, and the development of a legitimate star (Chris Bosh) to a COTY and suffocated the team with his incompetence for another year and some. Let us never forget and let us hope the City of Toronto is never fooled again into supporting those who deserve nothing but our ire (VC) or disdain (SM).
For a more appropriate commemoration of this event, please see the official site for this event.
And please share your own Smitchocities in the comments. I think I might actually be able to laugh at them now that it’s all over.
… and the cow goes moo
Isiah Thomas: Embarassment to the League
October 26, 2008
Not only did he ruin the CBA, the Knicks (and thus, the city of New York), perhaps sexually harass a co-worker, apparently say misogynist things to that same co-worker, and allegedly he “doesn’t give a fuck about these white people”, it appears he may even be a shitty father (ESPN has the story).
“There is some breaking news that there was a medical emergency that took place at Thomas’s home. Apparently, Isiah told the New York Post that the medical issue involved his 17 year old daughter. However, police have confirmed it was actually Isiah Thomas who was taken to the hospital for an overdose of sleeping pills.
It “wasn’t an overdose,” he told the newspaper. “My daughter is very down right now. None of us are OK.”
[Police Chief David] Hall forcefully refuted Thomas’ statement.
“My cops … know the difference between a 47-year-old black male and a young black female,” Hall said.”
And if it was indeed Isiah who overdosed, considering Isiah’s spectacular failures after his career as a player ended, we have to wonder if it was intentional:
“No suicide note was found, and police were classifying the case as an “accidental drug overdose” on “a number” of prescription sleeping pills, Hall said.”
So at least it doesn’t seem like he tried to kill himself.
Did Isiah OD and try to avoid the shame and speculation by attributing it to his daughter? Was it actually his daughter that overdosed, with the police somehow erroneously announcing it was a 47 year old male? I’m not going to say I know what happened (who had ODed and for what reason), but I do know this:
Isiah Thomas is the greatest embarrassment to a league that is already known for the likes of The Birdman, Shawn Kemp, and Tim Donaghy.
… and the cow goes moo
The Redeem Team
August 23, 2008
I hope, after TUSA wins gold tonight/tomorrow morning (depending on how late you sleep), that the US National Basketball program doesn’t let up. From what I’ve seen of Team USA (most of their games in completion without the annoying commentary, thanks to cbc.ca’s fantastic Olympic livestreaming), Team USA still has major exploitable flaws:
1) Can anyone shoot the damn ball? This problem is not as apparent as the other teams the USA has fielded lately, but it is still pretty clear. Michael Redd is a very good shooter, and is showing it (albeit largely with 20 pt leads), however he should not be your nation’s best shooter or all alone out there. Full disclosure: I think I went 1/21 with some friends on Thursday night. And most of those were within 15ft. So no, I am not petitioning for a spot on the 2012 squad.
2) PASS THE DAMN BALL! I am speaking specifically to The Electric Mamba. There were two straight games (as I recall, one was against Angola) where he decided to put on his blue-and-golds. Dwight Howard was practically sitting on the shoulders of the poor (and squished) Angolan infant trying to cover him and The Electric Mamba would jack up a 3 pointer. As much as I love and appreciate The Electric Mamba’s technical mastery (travels aside) and his Jordan-impression pressuring the opposing mini-guards, all he has to do is kick it between the uprights to get an easy two points. I mean, throw the ball somewhere in the 20-foot space between Dwight Howard’s right and left shoulder. Good lord.
3) Deron Williams. This is more of a personal disappointment. He is quicker than every non-Team USA guard, about 40 lbs heavier, and with an extra 12″ of vertical. Is he just waiting for 2012? I entirely expected him to make us all forget about Chris Paul this summer, due to his shooting and his ability to absolutely snowplow his way to the rim over any foolish 6′0″ ‘point guards’. He did it a few times and made it look like a laugh, but I didn’t see why he couldn’t make someone stop him once this summer before trying a new approach.
4) Halfcourt scoring. None of these are bold accusations, this one especially. After all, I am just a simple moo-cow. How is it that having the best players in America playing a halfcourt set together isn’t an improvement over the Toronto Raptors coach-less halfcourt sets? If Dwyane Wade doesn’t take it upon himself to shut up all his critics (I’m one, and I’m shut up. So he can stop showing off by dunking like he was 21 years old again while carring a 4 gallon tank of gas around his waist), the Team USA halfcourt set looks practically hopeless. The smarter opposing teams just play off them at the 3 point line and take their chances with the Melo/LeBron/Electric Mamba jab-step three-pointer. Or if M/L/EM are 6ft behind the line, the defender actually closes out on them just to DARE them into taking the piss-poor shot! When LeBron isn’t taking it with two dribbles from halfcourt to the rim and dunking on fools, the Team USA offense looks like they’re just killing time between fast breaks.
… and the cow goes moo
| NAME | MIN | FGM-A | 3PM-A | FTM-A | OREB | DREB | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TO | PF | PTS |
Vs. China
| K Bryant, G | 27 | 6-14 | 1-7 | 0-0 | 1 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 2 | 0 | 3 | 1 | 13 |
Vs. Angola:
| K Bryant, G | 18 | 4-13 | 0-8 | 0-0 | 0 | 4 | 4 | 1 | 2 | 0 | 1 | 2 | 8 |
Vs. Greece:
| K Bryant, G | 24 | 7-14 | 2-5 | 2-3 | 3 | 1 | 4 | 2 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 2 | 18 |
Vs. Spain:
| K Bryant, G | 16 | 4-9 | 2-4 | 1-2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 4 | 4 | 11 |
42% field goal percentage, 21% three-point percentage. Is Mamba Bryant the Bizarro Bruce Bowen?
… and the cow goes moo
DOUBLE BREAKING NO BACKSIES NEWS! JOSE CALDERON SO NOT A RACIST!
August 18, 2008
“Calderon denies any racist tinge in the gesture and expressed his “great respect for the East and its people.” The Extremaduran highlighted his great personal relationship with several Chinese friends…”
As an aspiring journalist, I wasn’t about to take his word for it. After all, racists, despite their impeccable social graces and strength of character, are just as capable of lying as unhygienic ethnic minorities. So I did what all the best journalists do: I google pictured “Jose Calderon’s Chinese Friend” and lo-and-behold, the fucker was telling the truth!
Jose Calderon's Chinese Friend: "Racism Bei-Gonn"
*METHODOLOGICAL NOTE: By using my secret Chinese techniques (such as Chinese GPS, Asian Radar, SuperSecret Communist Hive Mind Communication Protocols, and even superersecret ones that I list in this space but you can only see when reading this with chink eyes), and squinting even more than usual, I have ascertained with 100% accuracy that the young man next to Jose Calderon is a Chinese person. Also, that dude is me. And a really bad picture from years and years ago that was heavily smudged before scanning, and I was squinting and making a stupid face but that was the only picture I could find. Really. I’m not ugly. Or as ugly as Jose’s Chinese Friend, anyways.
I take back all the horrible ‘it’s ok because they started it’ racist comments I made about the proud and sexy people of Spain and their lovely temperate and sangria-soaked European paradise. The mark of a fine journalist is the ability to be able to say ‘my bad’ (probably because you would have to be known as a pretty fucking good journalist to be able to use dated Martin Lawrence colloquilisms in an article), and I am saying ‘my bad’ to you, Jose Calderon, and to all other Spanish peoples, for perpetuating the lie of Jose’s racism. JOSE FOREVER, TJ NEVER!
… and the cow goes moo
